Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
