Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
