i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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