this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
