I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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