I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
