if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
