nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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