Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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