he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this boner is exhausting
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Houston, we have a blender
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
there is glitter all over my balls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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