his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
