I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
