Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
