why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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