the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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