mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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