So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
