Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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