So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
