there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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