I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
