oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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