Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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