i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize