I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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