____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
