my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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