My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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