u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
