i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
