it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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