I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
