God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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