Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
