I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
