They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
