He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
