I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
