You're my little dorito
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
