Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
