I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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