I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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