I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
