Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
