i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
