Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
