dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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