i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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