More tranny stories later!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
