Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
