When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
