If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
third nipple confirmed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
