I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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