he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
