she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
