There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
