he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
