I think I am morally bankrupt
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
