I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
